Two weeks old! It's crazy to think they are already that old. The current update is that they are doing AWESOME! I'm so shocked at how well they are doing. As of right now both babies are breathing on their own, being fed about 2 cc's of breast milk (about 1/2 a teaspoon) every 6 hours, they are both pooping and eating and gaining weight! As of right now Jonathan weighs 2 pounds 9 ounces and Chase weighs 2 pounds 8.6 ounces. So they pretty much caught up with each other and are continuing to progress. I just can't wait for them to be home!
I know what your thinking.... 29 weeks Wahooooooo! It is true! It is a very exciting day. We reached 29 weeks. But it has also been a very sad day. Today I went for an ultrasound to measure the babies. I was soooo excited! Excited to see how much they have grown. I was starting to get a little worried because it had been awhile since an ultrasound and I've been experiencing some pain. So not only did I want see my baby boys, I wanted... no I needed to see my cervix to see if it had shortened because of the pain I was experiencing. So my mom and I got into the ultrasound and waited for the screen to come on. We started the first baby and after what seemed like an eternity she started on the next baby. She was so quite... almost to quite. She said she couldn't find the head... but of course it had to be there. So she went and got another ultrasound tech to help her find the head. She said she wanted to make sure that she wasn't measuring the other babies head because they were all so crammed in there they wanted to make sure they had the right head for the right baby for measurement. The other ultrasound tech came in and examined it. But when he came in he immediately turned the screen away from my mom and I. He then needed a third opinion and went for the Radiologist. All I could think of was... " What is going on?!" Cameron showed up right before the 3rd tech came in. It so happens that they couldn't find baby B's heart beat. I just couldn't believe it! He wasn't even sympathetic leading me to believe he wasn't telling the truth... My mom started to cry. I didn't just want his word for it. I wanted to see it! I wanted to see on the screen that it wasn't beating that there was no blood flow but he just bluntly said there is no heart beat. It finally set in. I had lost one of my babies! My baby! I started to cry! The tech just kept saying, " Are you going to be ok?" I wanted to kill him! I just lost one of my babies! Did he not expect me to cry? So that was the verdict. They got me off the table and I got into the wheelchair to be wheeled back up to my room. Was that it? I just still couldn't believe it. So when I got up to my room my OB came in and said he had talked to my high risk doctor on what our next steps should be. Then I heard the words that were too early to say... "We are delivering tonight. Tonight your going to become a mom." I couldn't believe it. I looked at Cameron and just said, " I'm not ready. Not yet! This isn't supposed to happen right now." But as it became more realistic and we went to prep for surgery, I had to prepare myself the the two boys that are coming into the world. It was so hard because it was like I didn't even have time to mourn my stillborn baby. But I had to change my attitude. Happiness and sadness all at the same time.
As surgery approached they did an epidural. Then it was time. Cameron and my mom joined me in the O R. Within minutes we would see our babies for the first time. The thing I wanted the most was to hear them cry but the nurse said that we probably wouldn't because they are so premature. Then Dr. Ramsey said " Ok we will be seeing these babies any moment now." I waited for that moment to be able to see them. And then I heard the most beautiful thing... I heard little Jonathan's cry. And boy did he scream! It was like music to my ears. I couldn't help but cry! My first born son!
A couple of minutes had passed and wondered what was taking so long. They typically pull them out within a minute of each other. Then I heard another cry! Baby Chase was born. I didn't get to see them at first because Cameron was cutting their umbilical cords. But not long after Cameron brought over our little Ryan. He was sooo blue unlike his brothers. Even though I didn't get to hear his little cry he was one of the most beautiful things I've seen. He looked just peaceful. Even though he didn't get to take that first breath I knew his presence was there.
After awhile they whisked Jonathan and Chase to the NICU and Ryan to go get cleaned up so that we can spend time with him before he went to the hospital morge. While in recovery they brought him in his little basket. He was in the smallest little onesie I've ever seen. He was wrapped up in him warm blanket. We got to spend the rest of the night with him. It was the saddest thing I've ever done. Is to say goodbye to my precious baby boy. I never thought that I could be so attached to someone I never even knew. But as the nurse took him from my arms it was a bittersweet moment! Knowing that even though I didn't get to know him on this earth he is mine. Forever will he be my son. And knowing that he is now in the spirit world teaching others. It's such a comfort to know that he was too pure, to righteous and too lovely to be in this world that he came and received a body and was meant for a greater purpose than being here on this earth. But I still want him. I just have to wait for that day when he will greet me with open arms and say "Finally together forever!"
Jonathan Porter Zauche
Born: Novemeber 16th, 2010
Time: 8:09 p.m.
Weight: 2 lb. 2.6 oz.
Length: 14 1/4 inches
Ryan Matthew Zauche
Born: November 16th, 2010
Time: 8:10 p.m.
Weight: 1 lb. 2 oz.
Length: 12 1/2 inches
Chase Michael Zauche
Born: November 16th, 2010
Time: 8:11 p.m.
Weight: 2 lb. 5.5 oz.
Length: 14 1/4 inches
Well I reached 28 weeks yesterday. One week till we reach our first goal! It is so exciting to think that they can come anytime now and everything will be ok. Ultimately, 32 weeks is the goal. So 4 more weeks! I just can't believe that in as little as 4 weeks Cameron and I will be parents! Of three little boys none the less! I just can't comprehend it at times. We will have more kids than the average American family with minutes of each other.
Well within the last week a few things have happened. I was on a blood thinner called Fragmine (excuse the spelling if wrong). They put me on a blood thinner so that I don't get blood clots begin down all the time. And with this medication it has to be absorbed through the abdomen. So I have to get shots every morning in the belly. It's the worst shot ever!!! Well I found out through a doctor that if I'm on the Fragmine and I were to go into labor that when they did the C-Section I would have to under go general anesthesia. Meaning, they would have to put me under. NO WAY!!! I have to be awake for when these babies come. I want to see them the second they are born NOT KNOCKED OUT!. So they switched me from Fragmine to Heprin which is a sister to the Fragmine. This will allow me to be able to have an epidural and to be awake to hear those little cries. The only down side is instead of once a day like the Fragmine, I have to get two shots in the belly every day : ( And the Heprin Shot is twice as bad as the Fragmine. But I know I need these shots so that I don't develope a blood clot which would be ten times worse than a shot twice a day. I just pray every time before they come in with that shot that it won't hurt as much as the last time.
Being in the hospital has had it's ups and downs its positives and negatives like the pneumonia but I know that I'm in the right place if anything were to happen. I've lost weight being in the hospital because I've lost all the water weight and on top of it all, because I'm not moving around much I'm not very hungry anymore. So I'm loosing weight. So now they have me on all these protein drinks and I have 4 meals a day instead of 3. It's so hard to eat everything but I'm trying. I just can't do that last meal before I go to bed at night. I'm just not hungry after all the calories I've taken in for the day with not being able to moving around much. We have seen progress though. I finally gained 2 pounds. 2 POUNDS! I was a little disappointed when I step up on that scale and I only gained 2 pounds after all that force feeding and those protein shakes! Especially when I was gaining that without all these extra meals before. But hey! I will take the 2 pounds over none.
Here is something that I have been working on for the last week. Sister Longfellow from our ward came over and taught me how to knit. I've been wanting to learn forever and I finally got the chance. Here is what I made. I am making two other hats that will match. A blue one with a green stripe an then a white one with a blue stripe. But I thought you guys might enjoy some of the things I've been working on.
So as of yesterday I reached 27 weeks! Two more weeks till our first goal is met! At 29 weeks our baby boys will be able to breath on their own due to the steroid shots they have given me to help their lung developement in case I go into preterm labor.
Exciting News! As you all know Baby A, one of the identicals, has been lagging behind in weight and measurement. This has had Cameron and I worried for some time, as lack in growth can eventually lead to the baby diminishing itself. But we found out this last week through and ultrasound that Baby A has now caught up to his other brothers! Baby A now weighs 1.81 pounds and Baby B weighs 1.94 pounds and Baby C weighs 1.99. Almost 2 pounds a piece. Our prayers have been answer!
And... this isn't very exciting news but I have developed my first few stretch marks! GASP! I know its like it happened over night too. They don't look to bad but we still have a lot of growing to do. And as I look down at them they don't seem so ugly... YET!